Vanity Card #2: Dear God…

Dear God,

Just wanted to let you know it’s ok if you end the world on wednsday. I won’t hold it against you, though a little more head notice wouldn’t have hurt. I call you God because it’s easy to spell and I find it funny that God spelled backward means „dog” while in romanian it means „uezenmud” which doesn’t mean anything. I suppose retarded internet babies might read it as „You is in mud” or „you is in mood”.

But I ain’t no baby. i speak to you merely as a concerned enlightened primate who wishes to speak her mind in these, the last moments of her puny inconsequantial existance.

I’d like to thank you for choosing my mom and my dad as the vessels that would carry my essence into this plane, although I could’ve dealt without the entity known as my brother. I’m sure he played some part in one of your plans, but being that he’s such an abnoxious idiot, that plan is very mysterious indeed.

I’d also like to thank you for my not lacking anything while growing up. I never went hungry, or cold, or lacked any means to pursue whatever destiny I chose for myself. I know I probably would’ve never got to cure cancer, or write a symphony or even solve one of those damn Sudoku thingies but by being a good person and spreading as much positive energy around as I could I thing I made my vessels proud.

Thank you for giving me the gift of making people laugh, but not the ability to make millions and millions and bajillions out of said gift like Jerry Seinfeld. Who by the way, is not funny in the latest Microsoft ad which I take it to be one of the signs of the impending apocalypse.

Thank you for science fiction, chocolate, Metropotam and Google Docs. Thank you for the good people in my life, and the bad ones you kept out.

That is all I can think of for now God. I wish I could say I was a faithful believer but I would never dream to bullshit a bullshiter. It’s easier to say that I never believed this thing called life was a game of chance, I never believed that our existance was a matter of probability so if that means that I believed in a pandimensional being that gave us all life and then let us fuck it up for ourselves, than I guess that’s what I believed.

James T. Kirk said it best before he died a stupid death (you were really pissed of at trekkies that day).

It was fun.

PS: I know you’ll let me into Heaven.

PSS: In case the world doesn’t end on wednsday, I will feel silly, but it will continue to be fun.


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